Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize