You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
