Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
