I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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