I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize