Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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