So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
