you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
