i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
