Nicole vs. Life
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
