awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
