how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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