and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
