sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
