You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have peed in a lot of sinks
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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