You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
