I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
