but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
