That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
