he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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