the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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