I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
