oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize