I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
