Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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