whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
