You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
