I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
