Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
