Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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