He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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