i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
