Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
