I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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