i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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