I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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