I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize