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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
