At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
