Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
