I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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