i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
