isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
