I faked an abortion last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
