my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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