Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize