i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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