Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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