Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
