I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
