super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize