she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
