I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
