Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
