Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize