Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
