he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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