why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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