While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
