Your dad touched me again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
