At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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