their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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