I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would fuck him just for his dog
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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