why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
