My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
