she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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