Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
