No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
