I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
